Me being stupid

How long?

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 03:07:05 GMT

So I sit here waiting. Waiting for what, I don't know. My love isn't enough. It never is it seems. I have all these chances that I use to want, but they all fail to entice me anymore. Except for you. I feel like I'm losing it. I know I said it when we together, but oh how I mean it. I need you. Just you. I'd give up everything just to be with you. Everything. Friends, family, possessions, addictions, and anything you asked. I'd give you my life if it was want you wanted. I love you.

Can I have my heart back now!?! YOU BROKE IT! Thanks!

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 06:14:59 GMT

Well, I became for lack of a better word, single, today. I had hoped to not be single any more, but with no luck. I sure wish I had some. I hate being, as she would say, emo about things. But everyone is really. Everyone has their moments. I have mine. This is one of them.

Usually when you ask someone to marry them and they say yes, it lasts a little bit longer then this. I had created so many plans and now they are not coming to pass. Trips, living arrangements, getting a car together, stuff of that nature. I don't want to be alone, but I'm also tired of having to try and be something that will "attract" the opposite sex. I like the fact that she came to me! It made me feel good and I know it wasn't because of me trying to win her over or anything like that. It had nothing to do with it. It made it more to me. The feelings I have. I can't STAND the thought of her with anyone else. It's killing me just thinking about it. I don't know what to do really. She's been my everything. My whole weekly schedule revolves around her. Now, what do I do. GOD THIS SUCKS SO MUCH!!!! I wanna break things!

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 15:53:45 GMT

I've felt kinda lonely this past week or two. Not in a self-loathing kind of way, just lonely. It just doesn't seem to work out ever and it sucks. If I could, I'd spend everyday with her. I use to and that was great. But now, it seems as if there's never anytime for us. It's always hi then bye, except there were a few doays were there was some more inbetween. The good times never seem to last that long it seems. I need to move out!

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 04:28:13 GMT

I get to spend X-mas morning alone now and that makes me sad. I was going to spend it with Danielle's family but not anymore. It's CHRISTMAS! Come on! The thing that erks me the most is that I have her presents here and I wanted to watch her open them on X-mas morning. I'll think of something. I always do.

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 20:54:14 GMT

Today is the day I meet the Family!

NO BABY! Kinda sad but relieved too. Oh well!

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 14:16:12 GMT

Well, It sucks. This feeling of regijtion. TIME. Not for me? What is that? It's pain in words. It hurts to hear it and I'd hate for it to be real. I'd give anything. I would stand out in the cold for any amount of hours to prove whatever is needed to be proved. I'll show them that I'm not just all talk. That I can do it. That I will be there. That I can be anything she wants me to be. If I'm not enough, I'll change it all. I don't care. Just one day with her is like being in heaving. So for months, you have no idea how it feels. Nothing compares to her and I'd give up everything for her. I'd give her my car if she asked. I'd pay for anything she wanted (LIKE THAT'LL HAPPEN). She is the love of my life and maybe the mother of my child(s). Life without her would be like life without fun. What would be the point. I am her's eternaly. I don't want anybody else and I don't think I could live my life knowing that she was with someone else. It would kill me. I'm not a jealous man, but with her, it brings out a new side of me. It kills me to thank of her with other guys. Having fun with them instead of me. I hate the thought of it. But there is nothing for me to do, cause no matter what she does, I can never say no to her. EVER! I'd stab myself if she so wanted me to. Anything to make her happy. I want her to wake up everyday knowing that it'll be a good day, cause I'll be there. To hug when she needs a hug and to do anything she needs. She is my life and I hope I am hers.

To you my love,
Jon R.

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 01:39:19 GMT

It's like a wave of happiness that keeps hitting me. Pushing my lips into a smile and sending me floating along. "How'd I get so lucky?" Well, I got lucky cause I got her and that's all that matters to me now. With all our tiffs, which are few, nothing brings me down(well, that one did). But life is as it should be. No more smoking, drinking is a rare thing, as is sex!!!:( I hate having to pace myself and use self control to stop from 'taking' her every time I see her. It's so hard not to think about. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I really wonder sometimes if she might be. I wouldn't say that I'm ready to take on that responsibility, but that I would except it and do what I could. Take two more jobs if that's what it would take. I love her more then anything. She wants to live with me and be my wife. Well, I hope those things happen first.

"BITE"

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 21:08:37 GMT

Taking a bath with the one you love is sooo much fun! It's so relaxing. I can't wait to live with her and take showers with her every day!!!

PS. And smack her around when she gets out of line and doesn't give me sex!!!

LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 13:26:11 GMT

I'm ready for this. I'm done searching. I'm done worrying about being alone. I've found what I'm looking for, what I need. She said the same and now I can breath easy. I know that no matter what happens in my life, she'll be there. And I will always be here for her. There is no more me, just us. I want to take her on a trip somewhere, but I can't decide on where. New York, D.C., Chicago? I've never been to Chicago. That might be fun. I'll have to look into that. I can't wait to meet her family on the 17th. It should be fun! I hope they like me. Her Mom, Gary, and her sister like me. Even her dad seemed to like me! So I don't think I have to worry to much about that. I'm going to meet most of her family. I don't know if I want to meet her cousin though!!! HAHAHAHA!

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 01:41:38 GMT

I hate these feelings of doubt. They're tearing me apart. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I feel sick all the time and it sucks. But to clear it up, to bring it all to light, might incur her wrath! That is not something I want to deal with. How does one continue on, when the one thing they thought they knew, turns out to be an even bigger mystery. Where do I stand? Is it worth it? Time will tell. But until then, I'll have to hold out for the best. What I've learned is that nothing is great. Cause anything that is great in your mind, can be easily destroyed or lost. Then that feeling you get from it turns to pain, dissapointment and confusion. I hate it and I hate being emo. Well, I'm going to go cut myself and listen to Elliot Smith!!!

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 10:06:29 GMT

I wish I knew all that was going on.
But I don't.
I just have to live with it.
Live with it and hope for the best.
Even if the best I can get isn't what I want.
Like I said, me being stupid!

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 10:52:29 GMT

I'M MOVING!!! Just have to find out where! My and my GF have to go looking for a place and then BAM! Snuggle time everynight!!! I can't wait. It's basically all I can think about. You could say I'm a little excited. Or you could not say it, whatever works for you!

PISSED!!!

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 07:14:16 GMT

Well, I get to work on Thanksgiving. I'm all for making money, but I'd rather be with my girlfriend. Help keep her company with all her relatives. To meet her family would be fun I think. See how they are compared to her mom and dad. Oh well, there's always X-Mas!